Bell Wire Woes

It's a damp day. That must be why my phone CRACKLES VERY LOUDLY in my ear when I pick it up. And why when people call me, they hear ring ring ring ring ring ring but I hear nothing. So what gives? Bell very kindly recorded a trouble ticket, but no techie will be out for a few days and the kind operator cannot even remotely check my outside line like in the old low-tech days. They're a tad backed up. Of course they reeled off the humoungous charges it will cost me when they do show up.

So what gives when...
  • there's static on the line so loud, it's deafening
  • one cannot dial out
  • one cannot call in, either because I do not hear any ringing or I hear only static when I pick up
  • the phone fixes itself sometimes by picking up the handset, dialing a number into the static, hanging up, and picking up the handset again -- now there's a dial tone and no static
  • the phone fixes itself
  • the phone is OK for many hours or just a few minutes
  • the static gets real bad in the afternoon, nonexistent in the morning
  • the static is on all the extensions and all gizmos on the phone line are working OK?
Anyone with answers will have a place just for them in heaven!